Losing someone you love

My first experience with death happen in May of 2011 when one of my ex boyfriends passed away. I remember the day like it was yesterday May 6, 2011 roughly 4am. This day was really special to me it was my high school senior prom. But waking up that morning i felt that there was something wrong and my mom pulled me in her room and was like "I have to tell you something that you'll find out about eventually today" and I was just like "what" my mom said, "Bunk died this morning, thats why D's not here" this was not what I wanted to hear that morning I wouldn't have wanted to hear this any morning. So like the younger generation did because I didn't believe her so I checked facebook and went to his page all I seen was R.I.P.  I'll miss you so much why'd this happen to you messages on his wall. As soon as i seen the first post tears fell from my eyes like rain from the sky. I love this kid so much we broke up less then two weeks before he passed. But I couldn't stop my day, I had to put a front on all weekend my entire prom weekend I had to pretend that I wasn't hurting as bad as I knew I was. 5 months later the wound hurts just as it did on May 6, 2011. But no it didn't end there I wish it would have May 14,2011 I get off work go to my grandmas to pick up my little sister and i went to my grandmas room and was like GRANDMA YOUR BIRTHDAYS TOMORROW literally that loud at 11pm at night. Then i left 3 oclock in the morning I hear the phone ring and it was my grandpa on the line looking for my mom and said it was emergency. We'll i fell alseep and D woke me up at like 5am and iwas like your grandma passed away. once again tears fell from eyes like rain fromt he sky. I didn't know what to do what to say. I love my grandma more thank anyone else on earth like she was my bestfriend hero rolemodel anything important that what she was to me. 5 months later i still dont know how to handle it. How can someone tell you how to feel how can they tell you it will be alright when in reality you can never see your bestfriend again. My first experience and my second experience with death are the hardest and probably the lowest points in my life. With out these two people i feel lost and feel like part of me is missing. I just don't know how to cope with losing someone i love at all.